I am a horrible driver. All those other assholes don't help.

I am a horrible driver.  I freely admits this.  Numerous unfortunate friends and family members can bear witness. My insurance company concurs in a big way.  But I swear, half the time it's some other asshole's fault.  I'm probably only half-assedly paying attention, so if you cut in front of me I will probably hit you.  If you are behind me in a parking lot, I will almost certainly hit you.

I can't speed anymore, although this was never really my problem.  I drive like a granny now.  If I were to get a speeding ticket, I believe Geico would be legally obligated to come to my house, cut my driver's license in half and sacrificially burn my VW.  Unfortunately, no one driving around me gives a shit about that, and it seems they intend to run me over for dawdling.  Give a girl w/ $300 a month car insurance a break people!