I am a horrible driver. I freely admits this. Numerous unfortunate friends and family members can bear witness. My insurance company concurs in a big way. But I swear, half the time it's some other asshole's fault. I'm probably only half-assedly paying attention, so if you cut in front of me I will probably hit you. If you are behind me in a parking lot, I will almost certainly hit you.
I can't speed anymore, although this was never really my problem. I drive like a granny now. If I were to get a speeding ticket, I believe Geico would be legally obligated to come to my house, cut my driver's license in half and sacrificially burn my VW. Unfortunately, no one driving around me gives a shit about that, and it seems they intend to run me over for dawdling. Give a girl w/ $300 a month car insurance a break people!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Neon Green: Not a Good Way to Win Friends
My apologies to all who have viewed my blog and now are blinded by the hideous neon green background that seared my words into your brain (there are probably more harmful ways to get holes in your brain; how do you think I wound up this way?). I swear that looked mellow on my laptop.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
A vast repository of useless knowledge
Nearly 10 years ago, a friend of mine would frequent the low-key bar in the restaurant where I worked, drinking Belvedere martinis and working on the daily crossword. I was always around to supply arcane knowledge, from the recesses of my brain, to help fill in the boxes. One day he told me, "You know, you're really a vast repository of useless knowledge." I laughed hysterically. Suddenly, today, it occurred to me that this was a fabulous title for a blog.
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